Why Do You Shop?
By Kim Edger
Fall 2005
Military spouses are supposed to be strong, right? Right! We deal with the stress and uncertainty of war, deployments, frequent moves... you name it.
How does this relate to shopping? Believe it or not, it does.
When I look back and evaluate the pattern of my behavior, I see that shopping played a starring role. It seems that every time we moved, I needed new sheets and a new comforter for the bed. My shoe collection grew somewhat out of control.
It opened my eyes to reflect upon how I handled my husband's deployment to Bosnia. I was young and scared but trying very hard to be strong. I was working two jobs and taking classes at night. I lurched through my days and nights almost like a robot.
There was one major exception: shopping! I began catalog shopping during the week and hitting the malls on the weekends. My collections of clothing, shoes and household items gradually expanded while my funds shrank. A trip to Wal-Mart for laundry detergent would wind up $100 later. The Victoria's Secret and Spiegel customer service reps began to know me by name.
Why do I shop? I certainly didn't need new shoes. I wasn't buying lots of gifts for others. And I didn't really need to replace those sheets and comforters after every move.
Shopping was my solution for dealing with being sad, scared, lonely and overwhelmed. I spent - wasted, really - almost $5,000 in a seven-month period and never even realized it. I didn't have the money to spend, but the credit cards made it so easy.
When my husband returned, we had to deal with the adjustment of reuniting - as well as the credit card debt I accrued while he was gone.
Today, I am older and wiser. I still shop when I'm feeling stressed, but there's now one major difference: If I have extra money, I buy clothes for the kids. If I don't have the cash, I don't make the purchase.
Occasionally, I log onto my Victoria's Secret account and fill my shopping cart with the latest clothes, shoes and beauty products. I look at the total and think, "I can't afford all of this, so I'll just get the shoes." I guess some habits never die completely.
Shopping can serve as dangerous therapy for very real emotions that we must confront with little attention and support. I can tell you with absolute certainty that new shoes did not bring my husband home faster and the new comforter never eased the sadness I felt each time I said farewell to good friends.
You may or may not have been in my shoes, but... why do you shop?
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Kim Edger is webmaster of the National Military Family Association website.
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Deployment Expenses
Most families of deployed servicemembers know they can count on additional pay to ease the burden of the extra expenses that pop up. The added pay may total as much as several hundred dollars a month if the servicemember is deployed to a hostile area. Before you take a therapeutic shopping trip for new shoes or furniture, consider some unexpected expenses other spouses have discussed with us:
- $25 every three months for the oil change the servicemember normally would perform
- $65 per week on babysitting fees
- $800 for two trips to visit family
- $30-$40 per week to eat out because being a single parent doesn't always allow time to cook
- $50-$60 per month on care package goodies
- $30 per month on postage
- $25 per month on phone calls
- $200 per month spending allowance for the servicemember
Unexpected expenses will occur, of course, and the extra pay is intended for that purpose. However, many spouses tell us that they were glad they set aside some of the extra money for a reunion vacation or paid a debt that saved money when the situation returned to normal.
-Michelle Joyner, Director of Public Relations, National Military Family Association
