Stranger Danger: Protecting Your Child
By Jenny Sokol
Winter 2003-04
"Don't talk to strangers!"
It's the advice we grew up with and the advice we give our children. Unfortunately, that advice just doesn't cut it today. Our children face danger not only on the streets but on the Internet, at the park, in shopping malls, and practically everywhere they go. Children of service members face a few additional challenges. As parents, we must empower our children with tools to protect themselves.
What Is A Stranger?
Start by explaining that a stranger is not always a creepy man lurking in the shadows - they're often young and friendly. Tell them that strangers use tricks to lure children into dangerous situations. They may ask for help loading groceries into a car or searching for a lost puppy or kitten. Explain that grown-ups and teens typically don't ask children for help, or offer toys or candy.
A stranger may try to coax a child into a vehicle by saying that the child's parent is sick or in the hospital. Tell your child that you will never send a stranger to get them. Agree on a code word that the driver must know. If he asks for hints or doesn't know the code word, the child should run and tell an adult.
Teach your child to observe his or her surroundings, and to inform you if a stranger speaks to him. Make a game of teaching your child how to look at a random person in a crowd, then turn to you and describe the person without peeking: height, build, hair color, facial hair, skin color, jewelry, tattoos, and clothing, as well as how they move. Do the same with cars and trucks.
Prevention
Safety 101. First, if lost in public, he should immediately inform a uniformed person, a cashier, or a mother with children. Help him remember his full name, address, and phone number by creating a rhyming song. Teach him how to use a pay phone, make a collect call, and dial 911.
Buddy up. If your child walks to school, find a buddy or two for him to walk with. Check the route, and make sure he doesn't deviate from it (for example, no shortcuts through wooded areas or alleys). Teach him to use the buddy system at playgrounds as well. Locate safe houses in your neighborhood where he can go if he is ever in trouble or being followed.
No secrets. Help your child define personal boundaries. Tell him that no one should ever touch his private areas (except a doctor or nurse, and you'll be there to supervise), and no one should ask him to keep secrets from his parents. He should trust his instincts and inform you if he feels uncomfortable with someone.
Don't offer information. Teach your child never to reveal that one of her parents is deployed. Also, tell her not to reveal her name, address, or your rank over the phone or to strangers. This is especially important when living overseas.
The art of escape. If you are attacked, the first rule is to never go willingly. Statistics indicate that it is extremely difficult to survive a kidnapping after being transported to a second location. Kidnappers are not interested in a screaming, kicking child. Tell them to pull the stranger's hair, poke his eyes, pull forward hard on his ear, kick his groin, and run. Also, tell them to scream, "This is not my Mommy!" or "This is not my Daddy!"
Awareness, not fear. This is a terrifying subject for adults and children alike. To alleviate fear, explain that there are bad people in the world, and that we must accept this sad fact of life. Tell her that her risk of being attacked is greatly reduced by being aware of strangers and using the buddy system.
Internet safety. Although the Internet is a wonderful tool, it also poses a significant threat to children, especially chat rooms. Check out the Navy Criminal Investigative Service's SafeKids program, as well the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. SafeKids offers a free download of "Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace," a program that scans your hard disk for images and displays them so you can judge their appropriateness. Also check out Net Nanny, a reasonably priced program that filters harmful websites, monitors online activity, and more.
Base resources. Your base police provide programs for adults and children. They can create identification and fingerprinting packages for children or tailor a presentation to your needs. For example, the base police at Naval Station San Diego regularly present McGruff the Crime Dog to children in nearby schools. Call and ask if your base police or safety office will present McGruff to your neighborhood or group. These services are available for both military and nearby civilian communities.
Safety fundamentals should also be taught to children in base childcare centers. According to Bettye Scherer, training and curriculum specialist at Naval Air Station Lemoore's Child Development Center, basic safety guidelines are explained to children at her facility. Also, safety binders are available in each room for parents to read.
Get involved. Join or establish a Neighborhood Watch program. Keep a current photo of your child, and tell the school to inform you if your child doesn't arrive at school. Whatever you do, don't avoid the subject of stranger danger.
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Jenny Sokol wrote this article for the U.S. Navy's website, Lifelines2000.org.
Related articles:
Children In Military Families: Tips For Parents And Teachers
Resilient Children Are Made, Not Born
Stranger Danger: Protecting Your Child
Helping Children Cope With A PCS
Kids, Schools and Military Relocation: Prepared Parents Set The Stage For School Success
Sgt. Mom: Family Assistance Centers, Military Family Support Centers Help Military Moms
Sharing, Understanding Financial Values Can Reduce Deployment Stress
