Kiss And Make Up... And Grow Your Cash
By Ellie Kay
Summer 2006
Most couples, when asked if they argue about money, will reply, "Well, we really don't fight about money... we just have some occasional disagreements."
Yeah, right.
Research indicates that couples who argue most about money often get into destructive cycles, accruing greater debt and consequently accumulating less in savings. Let's look at some examples of how this can happen, along with some solutions.
He says: "I make a good living, so why can't I buy a new power tool if I want one?"
She says: "Want is the operative word here. You don't use the power tools you have now! In fact, you need a new gizmo about as much as I need a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie and BBQ!"
He says: "But you do have a Ronco Showtime Rotisserie and BBQ!"
Reality check: You may have a better grip on this kind of spending than your spouse, but the desire to spend money the way you want is human nature. It is what you do with this desire that counts.
Get-rich plan: If a bit of "luxury spending" is budgeted into your monthly allocations, then there's no need to fight over how this money is used.
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He says: "I didn't pay all that much. It's just a little Harley that I ordered. At least the motorcycle helmet was on sale!"
She says: "I saw the payment booklet: If we pay only the minimums, it will take until 2011 to pay for your 'little' spending spree!"
He says: "Does this mean you don't want to go for a ride?"
Reality check: In many marriages, one spouse is a born spender and the other is a born saver, which sets the stage for the sparks to fly and the savings account to dwindle.
Get-rich plan: Communication is the key. The best way to help a spender's buying habits come into balance is to sit down together and figure out a workable saving and spending plan. Each of you must share ownership in the development of the plan. Instead of making the goal an "either/or" situation, strive for a creative way to save for both. If you've tried and it still isn't working, do it again - in front of a financial counselor from your base or community.
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He says: "I'm overdrawn again on my checking account and need you to make the house payment from your account."
She says: "You have got to be kidding. We agreed on which bills I'd pay and which you would pay. My account shouldn't be penalized because you can't tell the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill!"
Reality check: Most marriages lose money when they have two checkbooks rather than one because the big financial picture is blocked. The "his money" and "her money" approach lends itself to arguments and additional expense.
Get-rich plan: A relationship isn't "dependant" or "independent" as much as it is interdependent. If extenuating circumstances require two checkbooks, then create a mutual account for major household expenses so both of you will know your financial overview.
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He says: "I just balanced the checkbook - or tried to. You hit the ATM so many times, I'm amazed your card didn't break in half! It says here that you got money on Friday and today's Monday. How much of it do you still have?"
She says: "Um... nothing... I don't really know where I spent it. Although I do remember going to the Starbucks by the mall..."
Reality check: Most people are not disciplined enough for the responsibility of multiple trips to the cash line. The more times you or your spouse visit the ATM or get cash back on a debit card, the more likely you are to end up cash poor.
Get-rich plan: There's an old saying: "If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time." Limit your ATM or debit card withdrawals to a specific date and amount. If this boundary is violated, agree that the guilty party will take the additional money from his or her "luxury fund." When you realize you won't save enough for that manicure, you might be more inclined to avoid the spending target in order to hit the savings target.
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Ellie Kay is an author, radio/TV commentator and motivational speaker at military events. Her newest book is "The Debt Diet" (Bethany House Publishers, 2005). She is the wife of a fighter pilot and mother of seven children. To receive Ellie's free newsletter, browse money-saving tips or invite her to speak at your military base, visit www.elliekay.com.
Related articles:
When Love Is A Battlefield: Military Divorce and Finances
Military Marriages Can - And Do - Work
Finding a Good Lawyer: Advice for Military Servicemembers and Families
Sharing, Understanding Financial Values Can Reduce Deployment Stress
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