« click here for more Sarah Smiley
By SARAH SMILEY
Enjoying The Best Of Both Worlds
It’s hard to believe that one year has passed since the birth of my third son, Lindell. Not to sound like my mom, but, well, where did the time go? And why didn’t my baby weight go with it?Perhaps it’s selfish, but a baby’s first birthday is often more about the mother than it is about the child. A baby doesn’t understand parties. To them, their birthday is just another day.
For the mother, however, it marks a bittersweet milestone. She has made it through the first year – a feat that requires an unusual compilation of skills, including the ability to cook spaghetti with one hand, staying awake for 20 hours at a time, and removing soiled onesies without getting any of the “soil” on the baby’s head.
But the mother also is about to say goodbye to the most brief and precious 12 months of the child’s life.
These mixed emotions about the end of a baby’s first year couldn’t have come into more focus than during the days leading up to Lindell’s birthday.
First, he had an ear infection. The only time Lindell wasn’t crying was when he was eating or sleeping, and he didn’t do either of those very often. The day before his birthday, he had a doctor’s appointment, and on the way he had – how can I say this delicately – a stomach ache all over his car seat. One new diaper and change of clothes later, he did it again in the waiting room, this time, all over my pants and shirt, too. I didn’t have any more clothes for Lindell, so he went into the exam room naked. Unfortunately, I did not have that option.
When we left the doctor, I knew that some day – maybe when Lindell is 16 – this would be a really funny story. But not then.
At some point during all of this, Dustin told me that he had to work on the night of Lindell’s birthday.
Lindell is our third child, so unlike with the other two, I had no fantasies of a big bash planned for Lindell’s birthday. I simply wanted to mark the occasion with a cake and whatever family we could round up – a difficult task for military families who are spread out across the country and rarely live near Grandma and Grandpa.
Dustin missed so much of Ford and Owen’s early years while on deployment, but it has been an unexpected and almost indulgent experience to have him here for all of Lindell’s first year. And now Dustin was going to miss the grand finale? When I said I wanted Lindell’s party to be “low key,” I didn’t mean that low! The news did not go over well.
Yet I realized that when Dustin was gone during our other boys’ first years, it was on the normal days that I felt his absence most. Forget birthdays – I wanted Dustin there for the long haul. I wanted him there for the eating-Cheerioes-going-for-a-walk-and-having-a-bubble-bath kind of days. This time, we had the reverse. Dustin was here for all the other days, so how could I be upset if he missed the birthday party?
I settled into the idea of celebrating Lindell’s birthday without Dustin. I made a cake shaped like a carousel, and the boys and I planned to take it up to the church to celebrate with friends there. I reminded myself to be thankful for all the days Dustin has been home this year and not to be so greedy as to want him there for the party, too.
Then, at the last minute, Dustin was able to come home early and meet us at the church. He was there to sing “happy birthday” and to feed cake to Lindell. I suddenly felt overwhelmed: I was the luckiest military wife around, because for once, I could enjoy the best of both worlds.
# # #
Sarah Smiley is the wife of a Navy pilot and daughter of a retired Navy pilot. She is the author of “Going Overboard: The Misadventures of a Military Wife” (Penguin/NAL), and her syndicated column “Shore Duty” appears weekly in military and civilian newspapers across the country. Read more about Sarah at her website, www.SarahSmiley.com.
